Friday, 18 August 2017

I'm no longer scared


So, I've had cancer and am still going through chemo.  It's an interesting journey I have to say.  At the beginning I felt terrified, lonely and overwhelmed but now I'm on my journey I feel much more positive and realise I have lots to look forward to.  

I know that the drugs that are hammering my body to help keep this horrid disease at bay are doing me good, even if they don't have very nice side effects.  I know I've had a wake up call and I feel I've dodged a bullet.  It's like I'm finally waking up and smelling the coffee.

My new normal


The lumps, dents and scars in my armpit and boob will be the new normal, according to my oncologist.  I have to get used to that, but you know what?  Those things will be a reminder of what I've been through and will surely help me not to take things for granted again.   I aim to tackle life a bit differently now and to not sweat the small stuff.

I've even started to like listening to country music.  What's THAT all about?!

Holidays abroad may be more expensive due to more costly travel insurance because I've had cancer but, hey, staycations may be the new normal.  Talking of which... 

A wee break


I managed to get away for a couple of days last week with my husband and son to Warrenpoint, courtesy of a lovely friend from ice hockey.   The break from my four walls and a change of scenery helped to recharge my batteries and as my tastebuds had returned (albeit temporarily), I was able to eat normally again which was heaven. The scenery was stunning with buzzards flying around between the mountains.  It was absolutely wonderful and so peaceful.  I felt invigorated when I left.

Looking over Carlingford Lough at the Republic of Ireland

Carlingford Lough


Warrenpoint looking across from Republic of Ireland

Changing my outlook


Cancer is a very serious disease but it has touched my life in a way that I could never have imagined - both bad, and strangely, good.  It continues to change my outlook on things, but I have to admit that some of my pre-cancer thoughts and behaviours are still ingrained so they will take time to adjust.  But I'm determined to approach things differently now.  

There's a quote that one of my new found friends with incurable cancer says makes her feel strong:

"The devil whispered in my ear, 'you're not strong enough to withstand the storm'.  Today I whisper in the devil's ear, 'I AM the storm.'"

Take that, cancer!  Nothing can scare me now. 

PS


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